•I'm just a BUTTERFLY girl finding my place in this world•

Ever wonder what you want to be when you grow up? Wait. Most of you are grown up and you probably already are "something". Well I have grown..but I can't say I've grown up. In my mind growing up is building your life up. I have laid the ground work, but there has been no "up". Not yet, atleast.

I've never had a career. I've had several jobs, but nothing I felt like WOW THIS IS WHO GOD CAREFULLY CRAFTED ME TO BE. I did feel like I was where God wanted me. To mold me and "lay the ground work", but I've never felt like that WOW THIS IS WHO I AM moment.

God has made a way for me and continues to do so. I have had SUCH a hard time trying to blog lately cause all of my post truly come from my heart. Even if they are silly. And my heart has been on hold for writing lately. I wanted to write this to encourage someone who feels the same way as I do. You may be young-ish like me. You may be in your 30's or 40's not that you're not YOUNGish or you may have an AARP card and I'm not saying you are old. Nobody knows what's in your wallet... But seriously whoever you are, please know you aren't alone.

God has blessed me with so many people in my life that I can call a friend. There are women who believe in me enough to attend my fitness classes...women who seek advice or friendship from me...women who put up with me...and women who wave and speak in the grocery store or the preschool pick up line. It may seem silly, but all these people are blessings to me. 

I am not sure what these women think about me. Do you ever wonder what people truly see when they look at you. I am certain many see me as a hotmess mom. Some see me as a crazy person (I'm sure that's where most votes would land) But some may see me as a butterfly. Sunday in our small group the analogy was used that butterfly people are all over the place. They are here doing this for a moment then buzzing to the next thing and then off again. The analogy wasn't used for what I am meaning by it, but if I am anything I'm a dang butterfly. It fits me. 

I am all over the place. If you know me personally you know one minute I am cooking and baking, the next minute I am instructing a fitness class and the next I am dreaming up crazy businesses that I may or may not ever get a chance to take on. Shout out to the people in my life who remind me I can do anything and truly believe in me. They make me feel like I could teach myself to fly a rocket to the moon. I love yall. I love people. I love food. I love freedom. I love rules. I love fitness. I also love chocolate. I love being passionate about things. I love dreaming. I love chaos. I love naps. I love helping people. I love pitching in to help. I love doing things on my own. I love being simple. I love being complicated. I love being cautious. I love throwing caution to the wind. I love silence. I love music as loud as it will go. I love listening. I love talking even more. I love trying to figure things out. I love letting things work out on their own. I love to run ragged and be gone from sun up to sun down. I love a day in pjs. I love so many things and that is what I love most about myself. 

As you can see I  A M  the definition of butterfly girl. I am all over the place. But you know what..God made me this way. He made me this way for a purpose  (even though I am not 100% sure WHY). And He made you specifically for a purpose too. He made me intentionally to do specific things for Him and the Kingdom. He decided one day that HE needed ME! He needed a BUTTERFLY girl! He has something so simple, but so complicated for me. He has something that has a very unique set of requirements and I am the ONLY person who meets them. He has something that only YOU can do by living out your unique purpose. I want to be that girl! 

This may sound like I am full of myself and think I am G R E A T! But I don't. I am full of the understanding that Jesus has made me to be a brave girl to take on the task He has for me. Even though I do not have a clue what that is I keep plugging along. I say yes when I feel Him nudging me to. And what's hard sometimes is saying no when I feel that same nudge. 

I find myself sometimes trying to place myself into other people's "success scenarios". For example  "Jamie Lee you would be so incredibly successful if you had just gone to college" "Jamie Lee if you were talented (truly talented not the kind of talent people say you have) you would have so much success" ... And the scenarios go on and on. But I know that those are enemy tactics. God never told me to pursue a degree. He actually told me to take huge leaps into life and marry the silliest, sweetest, bestest friend and person I have ever known. And though my talents and skill set doesn't always feel like it's enough I am who I am for a reason. I know that my definition of success is NOT the same as the world. When I feel unsuccessful I have to check the scale and see what unit I am measuring with. Godly success isn't measured by money, titles, status, tax brackets, fashion, what year my vehicle is, or how big my house is. (Thank you Lord)

For me success is simple. Living a life FULL OF FRUIT. What kind of fruit, you ask...A life evident of 9 fruits...fruits that only come by the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. If I can say I have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self control, and gentleness in my life and walk in those fruits daily in my eyes I will be a success. 

Sure I would love to do BIG things for God and be a business woman who makes a difference in the world, but my world starts with me. My success starts with me. To live a successful life I have to be able to define it and obtain it.

So for those of you searching for success and ready to "grow up" grow some roots first. Because the tallest and strongest oak in the world would be nothing if he didn't take a season or two to let his roots grow first. 

As my roots grow deeper and deeper I can feel my seedling tree anxiously awaiting the spring for some showers to pour down around me so I can soak it up and grow! 

"Roots" have to forge their way into the ground. It's not an easy process. Roots dig down and push through where something already exist. If your roots have a strong enough desire to grow they'll even grow around obstacles in the way. Find yourself rooted in Christ and His truths and your next season of growth will have something to hold onto.

God hasn't forgotten about me and He hasn't forgotten about you either. As I continue to flutter on with my butterfly tendencies, it is my prayer that with every little thing I land on feels the power of God in my life. As my roots painfully push down deep in the soil I'm holding onto His promises and anxiously awaiting my next yes.


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