A Hunter's Wife Cry for HELP - Part 2
Well well well...say it ain't so. Hunting season is upon us again. If you didn't even know that then your husband/boyfriend/baby daddy isn't really an avid hunter. He's a poser. I bet his gun stays locked up somewhere instead of wedged between his passenger seat and center console. You know.."in the event he sees a deer somewhere he needs to kill"...
But..Like I was saying, It's DEER SEASON. YEE YEE. All of us redneck, white trash, hunter's wives knows what that means. It means we will have endless conversations about why we want them to go somewhere with us..kid's friends birthday party, dinner, church, really anywhere..and they will talk in circles about how important it is to be in the woods until we pass out from the lack of oxygen with the air filled with so much delusional "I am the woods..this is just what I do..this is who I am" crap.
Deer season means all of our good ZipLoc bags will disappear and the kitchen dish soap will find its way to the nearest water hose outside. Hunting season also means you are the keeper of all things camo..you've probably heard these a few times..
Hey have you seen my camo mask?
Where's the last place you saw my Thermacell?
We got any more of that good bug spray?
What about my gun cleaning kit? Where'd you move it?
Hey come look at this buck I got on my camera...
I can't find my orange vest..what did you do with it?
You didn't wash any of my camo with the regular clothes did you?
You seen my good knife?
We got any good snacks to take to the woods?
Why don't you ever want to come with me? If you came you would like it...
So and so's wife loves to hunt..she even shot an 8 point last year..
If I kill one more deer I'll be pretty much done this year...(not true..never true)
We are just going to check cameras..won't be long..(not true..again)
Hey you got any bleach to wash this blood out the bed of my truck?
Yall heard any of that?? lol What about once they're in the woods....here's a few of my faves..
I'll be home a little after dark...(usually means go to bed and give up on them making it at a decent hour)
So and so shot a deer and I'm helping them find it.....
We still got dogs out so it's going to be a while.....
I killed a deer, but I'm going to so and so's to clean it. It'll probably be a while..
Yeah I'll be home in about an hour..(about an hour means about 3)
Barely have any service out here. Not sure when I'll be back.
Shot a deer, but it ran off..hoping to find a blood trail...(10 hours later no blood, no deer, no husband, no patience)
Yall. People keep telling me that when my kids are older I will LOVE hunting season. I'm not sure that it's true. I sure do love my husband, but I most definitely could do WITHOUT hunting season.
For now I guess I will keep him..and pray we all make it through another hunting season. Good luck, yall. And I'm not talking about wishing the guys good luck in the woods...I mean good luck to all yall hunter's wives. Especially the dog hunters..yall it's the worst..
Oh and by the way..if you love hunting and have nothing bad to say about it and don't complain about it then why did you even read this?? LOL don't you have some target practice to be doing..I'm kidding..sorta..but seriously. To all the grandmas or retired women who love it too... You've loved a man for 30 something years who hunts and you didn't kill him. Not one single hunting season. You also raised your kids that many hunting seasons with him dodging dishes so yes girl. You deserve to kill the buck of the century. Bigger than he ever thought about killing. Get out there. But chances are if you love to hunt you either A) have no kids B) have a weird obsession with your husband/boyfriend C) like to be bitten by bugs and sweat or D) want to be featured in a hunting article somewhere cause you are super cute and just want to kill a deer for Instagram pics. There's always option E as well which is probably the truth..which goes as follows..E) you're a better wife than all the rest of us and you probably match socks, organize cereal in air-tight containers, and have a monogrammed toothbrush travel case. You are perfect. Thanks for making us look bad. Kill that buck. Post that picture. I'm proud of you, girl.
Seriously though. Guys please take it easy on us. We work full-time jobs. We are stay-at-home moms. We have no hobbies. We take no breaks. We don't disappear for an entire day for our own personal extracurricular enjoyment. We actually like you and want to spend time with you (most of the time). And if we are being honest..we have screaming toddlers, bratty kids, and mouthy teenagers (that you help create) and we just want you to come home so we can take a bath alone. Help us help you. We don't mind if you kill a deer. We don't even mind if you are gone all day from time to time. We really aren't mad about the actual hunting itself. Just don't act like the woods are #1 and the only important thing. Come home when you said you would. Text us. Stick to the plan. That's all we ask. We aren't trying to ruin your hunting season or life. Even though our threatening text when you've been in the woods for 14 hours may indicate otherwise.
I ain't mad. For real. Happy Hunting.
If you read Part 1 you can see I've had a change of heart about hunting. I'm no longer livid...just making jokes to make it through 😂😂 Who knows...maybe one day I will love it? Read Part 1 here >>> https://www.jamieleebloxham.com/2017/09/help-me-find-hobby-hunters-wife-cry-for.html
But..Like I was saying, It's DEER SEASON. YEE YEE. All of us redneck, white trash, hunter's wives knows what that means. It means we will have endless conversations about why we want them to go somewhere with us..kid's friends birthday party, dinner, church, really anywhere..and they will talk in circles about how important it is to be in the woods until we pass out from the lack of oxygen with the air filled with so much delusional "I am the woods..this is just what I do..this is who I am" crap.
Deer season means all of our good ZipLoc bags will disappear and the kitchen dish soap will find its way to the nearest water hose outside. Hunting season also means you are the keeper of all things camo..you've probably heard these a few times..
Hey have you seen my camo mask?
Where's the last place you saw my Thermacell?
We got any more of that good bug spray?
What about my gun cleaning kit? Where'd you move it?
Hey come look at this buck I got on my camera...
I can't find my orange vest..what did you do with it?
You didn't wash any of my camo with the regular clothes did you?
You seen my good knife?
We got any good snacks to take to the woods?
Why don't you ever want to come with me? If you came you would like it...
So and so's wife loves to hunt..she even shot an 8 point last year..
If I kill one more deer I'll be pretty much done this year...(not true..never true)
We are just going to check cameras..won't be long..(not true..again)
Hey you got any bleach to wash this blood out the bed of my truck?
Yall heard any of that?? lol What about once they're in the woods....here's a few of my faves..
I'll be home a little after dark...(usually means go to bed and give up on them making it at a decent hour)
So and so shot a deer and I'm helping them find it.....
We still got dogs out so it's going to be a while.....
I killed a deer, but I'm going to so and so's to clean it. It'll probably be a while..
Yeah I'll be home in about an hour..(about an hour means about 3)
Barely have any service out here. Not sure when I'll be back.
Shot a deer, but it ran off..hoping to find a blood trail...(10 hours later no blood, no deer, no husband, no patience)
Yall. People keep telling me that when my kids are older I will LOVE hunting season. I'm not sure that it's true. I sure do love my husband, but I most definitely could do WITHOUT hunting season.
For now I guess I will keep him..and pray we all make it through another hunting season. Good luck, yall. And I'm not talking about wishing the guys good luck in the woods...I mean good luck to all yall hunter's wives. Especially the dog hunters..yall it's the worst..
Oh and by the way..if you love hunting and have nothing bad to say about it and don't complain about it then why did you even read this?? LOL don't you have some target practice to be doing..I'm kidding..sorta..but seriously. To all the grandmas or retired women who love it too... You've loved a man for 30 something years who hunts and you didn't kill him. Not one single hunting season. You also raised your kids that many hunting seasons with him dodging dishes so yes girl. You deserve to kill the buck of the century. Bigger than he ever thought about killing. Get out there. But chances are if you love to hunt you either A) have no kids B) have a weird obsession with your husband/boyfriend C) like to be bitten by bugs and sweat or D) want to be featured in a hunting article somewhere cause you are super cute and just want to kill a deer for Instagram pics. There's always option E as well which is probably the truth..which goes as follows..E) you're a better wife than all the rest of us and you probably match socks, organize cereal in air-tight containers, and have a monogrammed toothbrush travel case. You are perfect. Thanks for making us look bad. Kill that buck. Post that picture. I'm proud of you, girl.
Seriously though. Guys please take it easy on us. We work full-time jobs. We are stay-at-home moms. We have no hobbies. We take no breaks. We don't disappear for an entire day for our own personal extracurricular enjoyment. We actually like you and want to spend time with you (most of the time). And if we are being honest..we have screaming toddlers, bratty kids, and mouthy teenagers (that you help create) and we just want you to come home so we can take a bath alone. Help us help you. We don't mind if you kill a deer. We don't even mind if you are gone all day from time to time. We really aren't mad about the actual hunting itself. Just don't act like the woods are #1 and the only important thing. Come home when you said you would. Text us. Stick to the plan. That's all we ask. We aren't trying to ruin your hunting season or life. Even though our threatening text when you've been in the woods for 14 hours may indicate otherwise.
I ain't mad. For real. Happy Hunting.
If you read Part 1 you can see I've had a change of heart about hunting. I'm no longer livid...just making jokes to make it through 😂😂 Who knows...maybe one day I will love it? Read Part 1 here >>> https://www.jamieleebloxham.com/2017/09/help-me-find-hobby-hunters-wife-cry-for.html
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| And here's my dear husband's Instagram post from today. He said it's his FAVORITE place in the world 😂 |
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