The best thing I ever did was STAND.

So this is something that has been on my mind and heart for a few months now and it just keeps coming up in life and conversations. I've brushed it off telling myself it wasn't the right time or the devil would try to invalidate my story and do his best to cause me to doubt, but here goes..

The first time we took a dip in the pool this summer I knew the kids would feel rusty from not swimming for months so like the hover mom I am I was ALL up in the pool grabbing my kids when I felt like they weren't swimming fast enough to the edge. 

My daughter started flapping her arms when she ran out of steam and stayed in one spot doggy paddling. I told her to keep going because she was SO close but she didn't see the edge was right there. 

She was worried about the water she was treading. I told her to keep going as I stood beside her waiting to swoop in if she REALLY needed it. I knew she could swim but her confidence was lacking bc it has been a while since she swam. 

Out of nowhere her head popped up a few inches from the water and her arms stopped flapping. All of the sudden she screamed with excitement. "Mama!!! LOOK!! I can STAND!!"
Y'all. It was a BIG deal. The funnier thing to me at the time was she could stand the entire time...she just didn't know it.

It's never the "right time" lately to say anything it seems. But there is one thing I MUST get off my chest! And it's coming in hot.

I can honestly tell you that if your marriage or spouse has been under attack and treading water it's YOUR JOB to fix it. That's right. YOUR job! Even if it's "not you" and "they made their choice".

No more placing the blame on them. They're NOT your enemy. 

With tears pouring down my face I can tell you that it's so worth it. I am not perfect. And neither is my husband. We never will be and I've yet to meet anybody who is. We fail daily. We learn and grow and struggle through the tough stuff every single day. But I'll tell you again healing starts with you.

Hurt people, hurt people and healed people, heal people.

Ps. Your spouse cannot do enough to fulfill the void and hurt places in your heart even if they haven't wronged you. But especially if they have, they can't "fix" you. There's not enough apologies or changed behaviors. It's on YOU! (But thank God you are not alone. Or you don't have to be at least!)

But when it comes to a desire for reconciliation ask God to show you YOUR faults, flaws and have Him remind you about the grace and mercy you have received that you DID NOT deserve. Pray that you may find the strength, against whatever your family, friends, and outside influences may say, to BE JESUS to them and extend that same undeserving grace. Even though at the time, in the middle of the mess, you may not feel like they deserve it...just thank God He didn't give you what you deserved...in the middle of yours. 

Reconciliation is yours if you want it. 

I didn't say it was easy. Many people poured into my life at that time and assured me it wasn't easy for them either.. But when you're walking in God's strength the impossible can quickly become your reality.

I never want our story to go untold for the sake of seeming like we "have it all together" because we surely do not.

We aren't perfect but God's perfect love never stopped chasing us down. And one day...one DAY...I finally decided I wouldn't run from it anymore. That's probably step numero uno if you've not gotten there yet.

I can remember where I was kneeling in prayer and decided it was time to fight for what was mine. 

A SWEET precious woman spoke up when everyone else stood back or spoke empty words and reminded me of God's truths. She took an approach that many hadn't at that point and God used her. I thank God for her often! 

After that I told God I was in it for the long haul. No matter what that meant.

Yes it was awkward considering I had to eat my words. But, ok?

Yes it may have looked foolish to some, but ok?

I answer to God and God alone.

I told God that my vows were true and the covenant I had made with Him wasn't just words. 

My marriage was more than paper and my love was not something that could be turned off, even though for a time it seemed like maybe that was the case. I realized love was a choice. Love was actions. Love was a way to honor God and THAT is exactly what I did.

I reminded myself that what God has brought together was surely not going to be torn apart and left abandoned...not anymore. 

As small as everyone's circles are and as much as everyone (maybe just in my mind or maybe in reality..idk) had to say...I decided I didn't care. 

Caring what other people think or thought has yet to be life-changing for me. Nothing positive has come to pass in my life because of the opinions of others. With that being said...

I'm not ashamed of how God has blessed me and my husband.

I'm not ashamed of the blessings my family has felt 100x over.

I'm no longer ashamed of the mistakes my husband made. 

I'm no longer ashamed of the mistakes I made.

All of that has been forgiven and erased. You can't change the past, but God can use you and your story to shape someone else's future. And I pray He does.

I am forever grateful for the reconciliation and love God gave us.

I'm forever grateful for the forgiveness, healing, restoration, and hope we have received. 

The only thing I am ashamed of is that it took me this long to publicly proclaim it.

I've sang a thousand times and I'll sing a thousand times more that "YOU SPLIT THE SEA SO I COULD WALK RIGHT THROUGH IT. MY FEARS WERE DROWNED IN PERFECT LOVE. YOU RESCUED ME SO I CAN STAND AND SING. I AM A CHILD OF GOD!!!"

And that I am. A perfect example of what it looks like to completely unworthy, but oh so loved.

So you're not perfect? Welcome. Neither are the rest of us. 

So your drowning in the turmoil and chaos? I know what that's like.

You're kind of embarrassed? Been there. 

You feel like you gotta "fake it til you make it"? 

Yeah. Well. You don't.

Here's a secret I learned.

You're not drowning.

You're in water that SEEMS to go over your head. 

BUT if you would stop treading water you would realize that all along you could stand. 

You may be on your tippy toes, but (praise God) that's God..keeping you from letting the waves go over your head.

Just stand. And take a step.

A step of faith, of action, of silence, of prayer, thanksgiving, surrender, and STAND!

Stand on His word, His promises, and let everything else take care of itself.

I did.

And He was with me every step of the way.

The best thing I ever did was stand. 





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