Commitment Doesn't Care How You Feel

This is something that has been rolling around in my heart for a week or so now. It may not come out perfect, but I've got to get it out.

There are many things we commit ourselves to. We commit to be the one to bring dessert to the holiday function. We commit to attend Bible studies. We commit to being a workout or study buddy. We commit to so many things on a daily and weekly basis and before we know it we are over committed.

This is me. 99% of the time. I want so badly to be everything for everyone. I want to make the game to cheer on kids in the youth group. I want to bake an extra pan of cookies to deliver to the new couple I've seen at church. I want to have lunch with old friends and new friends and all the friends, really. I love lunch. Or breakfast. I love all food honestly. But the point is there is so much we can spend our time doing. These things aren't bad. Most are good. It's not the business that's's the condition it sets your heart to.

For me busy is good. Busy is fun. I live to help others and bring whatever I can to the table. Literally. But I have learned in the last few months..probably the last 2...that I cannot commit myself to happiness. Doing for others is great, but if I forget WHY we are called to do for others I have missed it. If I forget WHO has asked me to put others ahead of myself I have truly missed it.

I get so busy I get tired. I get so tired I get frustrated. I skip a Bible study. I get short with my husband. I snap at my kids. I neglect my daily responsibilities. I fall down a rabbit hole. And why? For what?

Commitment to me is not something I can go back on. Once I have given you my word that I will do (you name it), I won't stop until the job gets done. I may lose my mind in the process, but for me the end result has been what was satisfying to me. I'm trying something new y'all. Because once I commit to something no matter how I FEEL I don't let that get in the way. Even when I say WHY IN THE WORLD DID I COMMIT TO MAKE 100 HOMEMADE COOKIES BY 9 A.M. TOMORROW...and I FEEL like slamming my head against the oven I still do it. I've learned that this isn't a bad quality I have. I just have to control it.

It's like a fast horse. You cannot go fast everywhere. It makes a mess and lots of crashes are bound to happen. But if the horse knows when it's time to race and runs faster than anybody once those gates open.. she's a beauty..and fulfills her purpose..and her speed makes sense. So for me I have to know when it's time to race and know when it's not. Know when it's worth my time and when it's not.

I may not be making sense to you, but I know I'm speaking to someone. Someone who needs to hear that IT'S OK IF YOU SAY NO. IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD FRIEND. OR A BAD MOM. OR A BAD WIFE. SLOW DOWN AND TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF TO JUST BE!

There are commitments I take very seriously and that is my commitment to God, my husband and my kids. And even when I feel inadequate and like I am failing them my commitment still stands. Commitment doesn't care how I feel. Commitment only understands the contract that has been laid out and the expectations that have been made for me. Who made these expectations you ask? Not me! God! He expects a lot from me due to Him, my husband, my kids and my friends and "my neighbors". So many people need me to be fully committed to them! Widows. Orphans. The lost.

So next time I commit myself to the silliest crap and I know that's not a lady like word, but honestly we commit ourselves to so much meaningless, self-righteous, ego-building stuff to make ourselves feel the next time I am tempted to turn my life upside down just to appear as the Pinterest mom of the year and misuse my time I will not fall into the trap! Instead I will open my home to those who need refuge. I'll take 10 extra minutes with a stranger in the store who has struck up a conversation with me and point them to Jesus. I will make sure my calendar has enough empty time to really love and live the way I ought to.

This doesn't mean I won't throw down in the kitchen and make all the "extra" stuff I am known for. Or still be running late like I am probably also known for. But as far as committing myself to things that don't build the kingdom I am going to have to pass. I want to be committed to the hard stuff God's asked of me that I have dodged and filled with shallow things. I want to disciple. I want to live sacrificially. I want to feel good about the things I have committed to and know God's committed to the same exact stuff!


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