It's time to take social distancing seriously, y'all. New Summer CDP Guidelines are here & it turns out yall ain't got a virus. Yall just nasty. - Life. Love. Jesus. Everything in between.
Tonight was dance class night for the little girl in our household.
This is the designated "I'm not cooking night" bc I will gladly take full advantage of being busy and not home at our usual dinner time.
We left dance and headed straight to our favorite pizza place to grab one to-go.
This is where I had a revelation that some people are not taking their job of social distancing to heart.
We have gone camping, got together with our families on a small scale and been out and about some during the great quarantine. We've been "smart" and used common sense when it comes to hand-washing and all that jazz.
I been hand-washing when hand-washing wasn't cool, y'all.
Let me tell you about tonight.
Tonight, I walked into the pizza place and stood in line.
I noticed the door had a sign that said "no more than 4 customers at a time".
Two people were in line so I went right in and kept a good distance from the man in front of me.
The next customer came in behind me and she aint know what social distance is yall.
She don't even know what a friendly distance.
And by the breath I was smelling she don't even know what a toothbrush is.
If the door opens and Florida heat ain't the only thing that hits...you may need some extra distance in that pandemic social distancing.
As if her breath wasn't enough, she kept inching her way towards me.
No one was behind her and I hadn't moved.
She picked her nose and stared at what she found.
How do I know this you ask?
Because our distance at this point was all of about, idk, 10 inches.
If I can see what you dug out your nose, you are closer than close and about to catch something other than the COVID-19.
The man in front of me was blissfully ignorant to what was going on behind him, but I started inching towards him.
He was a blue collar worker who had probably just put in a 12 hour shift, but I would have rather jumped in his probably somewhat moist back pocket, than have her come at me another inch.
I kept thinking BE NICE, BE NICE, BE NICE.
But I was also thinking BACK UP, I CAN'T EVEN SMELL THE PIZZA, PLEASE STOP FLICKING BODY CRUMBS OFF OF YOUR SHOULDER.
Let's clear up a few things.
I talked to the CDP today.
That's right, the CDP.
The Center of Don't Play with me.
And the new summer guidelines are as follows:
1. Take a bath.
2. Brush your teeth.
3. Maintain a minimum of 6 feet distance from people.
4. If you don't do #1 or #2 twice a day then double the distance on #3.
5. Wear a mask when necessary.
6. If you skip #2 wear a mask, a face shield, and dangle a air freshener tree from your nose.
7. Make it your main purpose in life to read and understand people's body language. If they are inching away from you, let them go.
8. Not all soaps are made equal.
9. Any deodorant is better than none.
10. Maybe the "no cash" thing won't be so bad bc yall debit card can't hold moisture from where yall digging them folded up ones out of.
What that money ever do to yall? Or them poor cashiers. Yall nasty.
So there ya have it, Jesus loves you. And I do too.
But I love Social Distancing.
And elbow room.
Make it happen people, make it happen.
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